Choosing Science: A Lesson in Following your Brain

Since entering high school, my peers, teachers and family have expected me to pursue a “typical” science stream: chemistry and physics in high school, natural sciences in Cégep, some kind of mathy or chemistry’y undergrad, and so forth. It wasn’t the pressuring kind of expectation, more of a logical assumption; I was a rational thinker, excelled in math and read Scientific Americanin my free time. I was the kind of kid you would give a mineral kit to for Christmas. Thus it was to everyone’s surprise (including my own) when one night before registration closed, I signed up for a pre-university degree in Modern Languages at the Cégep du Vieux-Montréal. I was trying – for what seemed to be the first big decision in my life – to follow my heart and try something new. Two years later, I find myself loving my calculus class, struggling with chemistry and generally doing my best to be a dedicated science student. My relationship with science is complicated, but has certainly lead me to believe, that for some, “follow your heart” just isn’t the perfect formula. 

Most of the time, I don’t regret my “wasted” year spent learning Spanish, German and basic linguistics in one of the Cégeps in Montréal best known for its radical visual art classes, communo-anarchist tendencies and pot culture. Though I’m an unashamed communist, a lover of language and decent irregular verb conjugator, I quickly realized, this program wasn’t for me. I came to discover the importance of social environment. Being happy to self-teach, I thought I was ready (and excited) for a less academically focussed program than the one I had grown used to in high school. The thrill quickly faded as I was unable to connect with friends and felt ostracised for caring about my grades. I had chosen to study languages, because I think it’s a fascinating subject, but few seemed to agree with me. My fellow students, committedto only learning the bare minimum, unwittingly made me feel out of place. They had become professionals in abstaining from curiosity. It was a culture of contagious academic complacency. The standards were low, and the expectations, lower. In this counter-culture-counter-school environment, I found it extremely challenging to push myself, or to learn anything extra-circularly.

I switched after a year to science, first and foremost to be reincluded in a culture of caring, of dedication of expectations and of difficulty. I discovered I am motivated by those who surround me. Perhaps it is because of the nature of the subject or maybe its deification by others, but my pre-university science DEC is taken seriously. I realized it barely mattered to me what I was studying so long as it felt purposeful. I am not at school to pass the time, I am at school to learn something deeply, to stretch my brain. In effect, I am often astonished by what is presented on the blackboards of my science courses; however, I realised that for me, almost any subject can be mind-blowing. I believe any subject becomes interesting if you dedicate yourself to learning it. That said, I have found I feel most at home in the science environment. The students are either legitimately interested or ambitious, and the teachers are often deeply passionate about their subject and try to alter their lessons to fit their interests. I am never bored, and I am pleased that my classmates are motivated to do well and are invested in the class material. In fact, I find it so challenging, it makes me wonder if it is the future path for me. Is it an intelligent choice to pursue a subject that already seems incredibly difficult, with an already hefty workload? I often worry about meeting my academic limit. What happens when no matter how hard you work (because being a science student has certainly taught me to work hard), you can’t grasp the material? What happens if you aren’t clever enough to bring any meaningful contribution to your field of study?

Following your heart is occasionally ill-fitting advice. Sometimes what you like and what you like to study don’t coincide. Sometimes what your heart loves, your brain may not be smart enough for. My polar opposite educational experiences in the last two years have definitely taught me what I want to study in Cégep, but it seems in this moment not not have helped me decide what to do in a year when I apply for University. Perhaps trial and error is the only sure path forward.